Graveyard Etiquette

Cemeteries and graveyards aren’t scary and they don’t have to be somber. They can be a place to celebrate a life. And sometimes the afterlife. But that’s later.

Even so, when you’re exploring amongst stone gardens, there are rules and they are to protect both the living and the dead. If you’re not superstitious and don’t believe in an afterlife well, good for you. You can take most of these rules and apply them to any living relative of anyone buried in the space you’re checking out. I believe in pretty much all the oogie boogies. If you’re into places where the dead are buried, you probably believe in some of them too.

I’ll start with what should be obvious but I’ll state it anyway: Check for any specific rules of the cemetery you plan to visit before you go. If it’s an older graveyard that doesn’t ave a website, check for anything posted at the gates before you enter.

For instance, Miramar National Cemetery has LOTS of rules: no picnics, no jogging, no messing about. This is a military cemetery. Federal property. It’s part of a Marine Base. They expect you to show some respect.

Then there’s Hollywood Forever. They’ve been selling tickets and showing movies on the side of a mausoleum for decades. Picking up lunch at Roscoe’s and setting up chairs under a tree is not weird.

Only go during current official posted hours. As much as a midnight visit might sound like spooky fun, it’s probably not worth getting arrested for trespassing. Not to mention there can be all too corporeal critters such as coyotes or bobcats that could do you some very real physical harm. Or an encounter with a skunk that may not end well for you.

Never cross any kind of barrier. If doors are locked, keep out.

Silence your phone.

Don’t sit on gravestones.

Don’t walk on graves as best you can. It all comes down to maintaining respect. I usually say excuse me as I go.

These following fall more into the superstitious category. Ignore them at your personal peril. Mwah-ha-ha. But seriously, don’t recommend ignoring them.

Greet the guardian, usually at the front gate. Leave an offering. All cemeteries have spirits and they’re there to protect the buried and the visitors. If you go in with mischief in your heart, be prepared for potential backlash. If you’re thoughtful and approach your adventure with respect, you should have no trouble.

This is especially true if it’s a new space to you. I go to Miramar ALL THE TIME. I’m comfortable there. My parents are there. I know other people and families buried there.

Clean up around the headstones. Pick up loose flowers and clear away grass. Certainly clean up any mess you’ve made. I’m not saying clean up the whole cemetery, but if you’re visiting any particular grave, clean up around that headstone. Or if there’s a particularly neglected grave, that might be a good place to start.

Don’t wear new shoes. You can also place protection sigils in your shoes. I use sigils in my magick all the time. They are quick and powerful. The one I use specifically when I go into a graveyard comes from Sigil Athenaeum. Rose has an amazing collection on her blog not only for protection, but damn near anything you can think of. Go check her out and, if you use one, be sure you buy her coffee.

Ask before you take anything. This include photos. If you get a hinky feeling, don’t take it. Whether you take something or not, leave an offering. I take my parents McDonald’s coffee. For most I leave a blue glass stone.

Leave the way you came. This is meant to prevent hitchhikers. It isn’t perfect, so…

Cleanse when you get home. Take a shower. Burn some incense. Meditate. You know what works for you.

Here are some COMMON SENSE & COURTESY RECOMMENDATIONS:

Don’t visit celebrity graves on birthdays or anniversaries. If there is surviving family, they are likely going to be visiting on these days. There is also the possibility that other fans are going to be visiting on these days. Wouldn’t you rather go when you can be alone and take your time?

You can ask the folks who work there to help you find specific graves. Some places will have maps. I’ve even had a worker drive to the far end of a cemetery and walk me down a hill to show me what I was looking for. But don’t be surprised when they won’t take you to a celebrity grave. Maybe there’s a reason. The first time I went looking for Carrie Fisher and Debbie Reynolds at Forest Lawn, the security officer said he couldn’t help. I found it anyway and it turns out there was a burial going on right then with about fifty mourners RIGHT IN FRONT OF CARRIE & DEBBIE’S SARCOPHAGUS. Trying to get a photo was impossible because I’d have to stand right in the middle of this family to get the shot. It would have been completely inappropriate.

It’s perfectly acceptable to be happy and excited when you find the grave and get to visit with the deceased. That’s what you’re there to do.

HOWEVER, not everyone there is going to be in the same mood you are, especially if they are visiting someone they knew in this life and are mourning the passing. That’s when you need to be quiet and respectful, period. There is no photo op that overrides someone else’s personal grief, period. I don’t care how far you travelled or how long you’ve dreamed of this day or what offering you want to leave. If there is a service going on anywhere near the grave you’re looking for, forget it. You’ve got to go. It’s time for lunch. And if you waited until the end of the day to get there, too bad. Go home or back to your hotel until tomorrow. And if your flight is tomorrow, too bad. You missed it. Get over it. It wasn’t meant to be. Period.

Once you find your desired grave and are sure you aren’t disturbing the bereaved, take your photos. Leave your offering. Sit down and have a chat. Whatever moves you. And if you post photos, please be sure to tag me @adventuresofponyboy and #tombstonetourist.