Miss You

Eight-years-ago tomorrow Mom played a great trick on everyone and woke up from her coma to talk to her kids and grand kids before she passed away. Her death set me on a wonky path of fear and grief and peace and success and belief in myself.

Fear levels off and dissipates like smoke wafting up the chimney. It goes away.

Grief never leaves, but it does abate. Over time. A long, long time. It’ll sneak back in too. Just not as bad as before.

Peace is hard won, but I got there. Most days anyway.

Success came in the form of a stage play I wrote and produced for the Hollywood Fringe Festival in 2014. The spectacular cast of That’s Why I Hold On led the way to an Encore! Producers’ Award. The play is about tonight, that night in 2011, the night before Mom died. One of the worst nights of my life became my greatest writing triumph to date.

Now it’s time for a leap that would have incapacitated me before. I’m no longer working at Nibs.com and I’m not looking for another job. It’s time to do what I do every day. Only now to get paid for it. Not well, at least not at first. But I’m going to write. I’ll write the boring stuff for others and I’ll write what I want for me. My management skills will be used for my gain, not someone else’s. I believe in myself and my talent and my work ethic to make writing my profession.

All of this rooted in fear and grief. So thanks, Mom. Thank you for continuing to inspire and, occasionally, kick my ass.

Also a ginormous thank you to the cast of That’s Why I Hold On for doing such a beautiful job and your patience with my lack of theatre experience: Lisa Laureta, Robin Roth, Derek Green, Meitav Marom, Jason Stafford, and Anastasia Washington.

And Jinny Chung, without whom casting never could have happened.

“As I step out into the darkness from the bright lights of the theater lobby I have only two things on my mind: I should have worn more comfortable shoes and my mother is going to die.” ~Mamie

The Play is the Thing: Day Seven

It's done. Mission accomplished. I did it!

The first draft of my play is complete. 

That hardly means it's ready to be produced. But boy is it close.

I'm going to be ready for Hollywood Fringe next year.

Cesca mention a table read.

That sounds like something I might be able to do with Julie. 

I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it.

Cheers to me! Woo Hoo!

The Play is the Thing: Day Five

Today was not a great day for the play. Or writing in general. Think I needed a break. However, the end is in sight and I've got two more days before going back to the pens. It will be finished on Mother's Day. Something very poetic about that.

Have also made an important decision to not be the guest star in someone else's life.

I'm going to accomplish the things I want.

Keep sight of my goals.

Find my way back to the surface.

The Play is the Thing: Day Four

My ambition may be getting the better of me. I can see it all coming together and it's real and there is a vision of it on the stage that is astounding me. But I have not formal guide, no theatre training or geekyness to fall back upon. So I'm looking at plays that I've read. Some I've seen produced, some not. Who do I find speaking to me? Tony Kushner. I'm reading his Playwright's Notes for Angels in America and they are making sense to me. Not that I see That's Why I Hold On as anywhere near in the same league.

I mean, let's just get a grip.

I'm playing t-ball while watching game tapes of the World Series.

But if you're going to find heroes
you might as well pick the best:
Tony Kushner, Eugene O'Neill, David Mamet.

The Play is the Thing: Day Three

Nothing done in the computer today. Edited on paper. Went to class.

Feeling good about this.

The Play is the Thing: Day Two

Things are rolling right along. So very please with my progress. Five days left. Exciting!

The Play is the Thing: Day One

I am on vacation from my fountain pen job this week. The goal is to finish the play I've started and had in my head for more than a year. I'm going to finish the first draft by the end of the week. Today went well considering that I had to retype everything I already had due to an earlier glitch during my upgrade from Snowcat to Lion.

C'est la vie! All is well and I'm ready for tomorrow.

Over the next several months I'll get it ready to submit to the Hollywood Fringe Festival 2013. One way or another I'm going to get it produced.